This was written in the wee hours of the morning...thats my disclaimer.

It has been a very long time since I have posted. I use my blog for a few reasons. One, to collect my thoughts. Two, to make it public. Three to make myself tired on those nights that I can't sleep (tonight), and four to voice my opinion. I have never really been one to express my most personal inner feelings over the Internet. It just has never felt right to me. There are some things that are meant to be kept personal and I feel that my deepest feelings are to be kept there. I notice people on many different sites express their emotions publicly on private things and many times I wonder why. I don’t have a problem with reading it. Whatever floats your boat.... but personally I couldn’t do it. I think of this because I was recently thinking about what other people might think about me. I tend to worry about that on occasion because I want to come across as a nice guy to others. One that people want to be around that is reliable and trustworthy. "Self evaluation is key in being the person you want to be." I think I read that some place or someone told me that or maybe I heard it in a meeting but I like to interpret it into telling myself "you better check yourself before you wreck yourself."

Now back to my topic. People expressing their private emotions publicly. I see many people post things that have to do with relationships, past and present. You know the posts I am talking about. You know the ones that range from the positive aspect "I love him!" or "I love her" to the negative aspect "Stupid stupid stupid when I think of you all I think is you are soo stupid," or "thanks for ripping my heart out and stomping on it. Maybe next time you will think twice before leading me on ya dumb heart breaker!" That is what I am talking about. I am not one to post on things of that nature. Those inner thoughts about someone else I tend to keep inside. If I do let them out it is defiantly not over Facebook or this blog or anything like that. I share those feelings with close friends. Granted I do post the occasional complaint about working with those crazies that come in the store asking the world for free and complaining about everything.... but that’s different. Not as personal.

I mention this because I want people to know that even though I don’t post things like that, I do have a personal side. I have feelings and opinions about people just like the next guy. I have feelings for girls. I crush on them. I get frustrated with the "games" they play and the ongoing conspiracy in the dating world where the guy tries to read the girl's mind and visa versa. Don’t act like that’s not true because it is. I can't even begin to tell you how many times I have told my friends "If only I knew what she really felt about me." or "what the heck is she thinking?" and I have heard the sayings "what the heck was he thinking?" and "do you think he likes me?" been used by my friends who are girls more than once so I know its the same. I have been at that point where I just want to scream and tell them "enough with the games!" But I don’t post those things for the whole world to read or for the people I am "friends" with but not friends with.

I feel that by me doing that, it might give me the upper hand. I bet if I was dating a girl who did post their heart on Facebook or any other sight, it would be a lot easier to know when they were frustrated with me or when I was doing things right just by checking their status. Dang that would make things easier... I would win every time. But that is not personal. This guy won’t do that. You wanna know how I feel? Ask me! In person. Over the phone is fine as well, even over a text, its personal enough, and I will answer you. If I want to tell you everything I will. If I want to leave people in suspicion because its really nunya buisnass, I will. Most of the time I'll just tell you how I feel. I'm not afraid to do so, but you just have to ask. I'm not gonna pour my heart to someone who didn’t ask. Asking means you really want to know, and if you don't want to know, I don’t want to tell you.

Ya'll come back nah ya hear?!

A painter paints pictures on canvas. But musicians paint their pictures on silence.

So I have  been thinking a lot about that concept. I for one do not consider my self a musicians by any means because, well I'm not public about my abilities at all. I have been one, since the time I have learned how to play the guitar to pretty much now, to not express my abilities to play and sing to many people. I think there is a handful that have heard me sing and play and the reasons behind that are because I'm kinda shy about it. I get a little nervous I cant help it. Speaking in front of people I can do. No problem. The mission has taught me to do that, but playing and singing in front of people is different. I wish I was able to be more outward about my abilities to do so. I have played the guitar in my father's store for a few years just messing around as people are shipping off their packages and standing in line and I would get the occasional compliment saying "hey you are pretty good" by the forty five year old soccer mom or the sixty five year old snow bird, but for me to sit down and play in front of my friends, or sit down and play in front of others I get nervous. And I shouldn't get nervous because they are my friends but I still do.
I play the guitar every day. Every day i pick up that instrument and sit in my room by my self and play and sing to my self in the mirror. Those of you reading this are probably saying "what a loner! you square!" haha but its just something I enjoy doing. I would rather sit in my room and listen to music and play the guitar than watch a reality TV show or just TV in general. It is something that I really enjoy doing for many reasons. One of them being that there is always a challenge. You can always challenge your self more to play something a little more complicated. I will probably never get to be someone great like Eric Clapton or SRV or even John Mayer and am not anything close, but I will take it as far as I want to take it. And that is why I enjoy it.
Music is an important part of my life. Now there are many of you that have known me for years and think that I listen to just country music but that is not the case at all. Over the years I have been broadening my horizon of music likes. And today I like a variety of music ranging from Johnny Cash to Jack Johnson to Kanye West to Norah Jones and Michael Buble. If it is done well, I like it. If its not too heavy I like it. If its got a good line in it, I like it.
Soo maybe I will consider my self a musician to an extent because there are some that are just completely out there and I am definitely not one of those but I will consider my self a musician that likes to hide his abilities to play and still hasn't opened up about it and might not ever haha but just sayin. A friend of mine recently mentioned that you are your worst critic, so maybe one day if I don't criticize myself about it as bad, then I will. Who knows. Just my thoughts because this is my piece of cyber space.
A painter paints pictures on canvas. But musicians paint their pictures on silence....true that.

Soo smooth you can see a fish jump....

It's interesting how technology has changed and is an ever changing process in our lives. I say that because as I write I'm in the car on my way to the temple on a very awesome device that they call these days a "smart phone." That is just what it is! This thing is very smart and has all types of gadgets and every time I check my e-mail or do something like a blog post I feel like I'm in the future. I also feel that I'm on a new level of sophistication and those things that I could only do on a laptop computer or desktop I can now do with a simple device in the palm of my hand. Though I am not a big shot business man yet I do feel like I'm in their world for a moment and I enjoy it. Though this is not the reason of this post, I just thought I would share that little piece of information.
As I came over the bridge or causeway this morning to get off the island, the water in the Indian river was as calm and smooth and almost like glass, which does not happen very often but when it does, creates a beautiful image that is for me, engraved in my mind forever. It is in these moments in my life that make me reflect on my life and remember how Heavenly Father does indeed, have his hand in it. There is no way that the beautiful images of nature were created by chance. For a large amount of people it is hard for them to believe in God and to them I say- if only you had just a little faith... If not even a desire to believe... And then let that desire work in your heart...que pasen un día muy feliz!

More for me than it is for you.....

Well this is my first blog post ever in my life.... Not sure the reason behind me doing this but I'm sure I will get more out of it than any reader that reads my small spot of cyberspace. I have come to the conclusion that life is whatever you want to make of it. Being home for three weeks, off of a 2 year mission I have had a little time to meditate while doing things that I loved to do before going on the mission such as fishing and playing my guitar, and also doing things I didn't necessarily like to do before the mission and maybe took for granted, but love to do now such as, going to the beach and sitting in the sun with sandy feet....
Life is what you make it. Heavenly Father gives us the opportunity to make our life the way we want it through the freedom of making choices or free agency. Yes there are times when things happen that we have no control over but we do have control over how we will react, and we do have control over how we will handle the situation.
These past few weeks have been decision making times for me. Everyone asks the big question to a return missionary- "what next? what are you going to do with your life now?" and you have to have an answer. You know you have to say something.... but that something might not be really what you want or that something might not be the outcome of what really will take place. But I like to be a man with a plan. So I have that plan. Its a rough draft of course and will probably never be set in stone completely but its a plan. It maybe will be altered a little, but never drastically. But if life is what you make it, you can't build a good life without a plan just like you can't build a beautiful house without the layouts and the floor designs and the roof designs and the electrical designs and so on and so forth.
It feels good to have it some what done. There is one thing in life that is set in stone, and that is church. The gospel of Jesus Christ, and living that Gospel.  I did not just get done serving the Lord for two years to just hang up in the closet and leave it there for a little while. My relationship with our Heavenly Father is the most important thing to me in this life. I know that if I'm in the right with him then everything else will fall into place.
I have a feeling that some of my posts will be inspiring, and others not so inspiring, and others on church and others not. I'm excited to see how devoted I am to this and am excited to see just how many people take the time out of their busy day to read this haha I'm guessing not many. But just know that whatever I write on here is more for me than it is for you....